I want to be loved.
I want to be touched.
I want to share my laughs and my tears.
I want to be heard.
I want to stop feeling so miserable.
I want to stop pretending like i feel okay all the time.
I want to feel free to express everything that i feel.
I want to stop hurting and torturing myself.
I want to be healed.
I want to have my own little family so i can stop feeling lonely.
I want to be happy.
I want to be enough. For me, and for everyone that i loved.
I want to be like everyone else.
I want to stop regretting everything that happened.
I want to stop thinking.
I want to stop crying.
I want to stop having nightmares.
I want to wake up with a smile upon my face like i used to be.
I want to feel how it feels to be young and full of love again.
I want to feel safe. And to be safed by.
I want to be appreciated.
I want to be brave, to pick up the phone and reach out to you.
I want to stop feeling so scared that i will ruin everything all over again.
I want to feel whole again like when im with you.
I want to see your smile, and hear your giggles.
I want to have the power to travel in time to safe our relationship.
I want to stop feeling guilty for not fixing everything that once has been broken.
I want to hold your hands because its the only safest place that ever existed in my life.
I want to wake up with your good morning texts and your funny handwriting bcs it made me realized that a piece of paper can help me so much to go through every rough days.
I want to drive through the rush hour just to see you, and cook for you, and run my fingers through your hair, and watch random movies with you, and running around the field with you, and spending the night with you, and having silly convos with you, and yelling 'I love you' in our separate way to home.
I want to experience everything all over again.
But i dont want to live this long, or older than what i am now, for somehow i feel its no use going further without destination. What is life without you in my life? I want to be end, with no pain, no blood over my body, and i want it to be peaceful. Im tired. of this. fucking life.
If we were still together, today would be our 9th year anniversary..
And if you read this, please let me know..